Another Reason Mommy gets no NAP

NAP doesn't stand for anything, it is literally a short period of time that Mommy wants to close her eyes and do nothing but sleep. I went upstairs at around 2:45 today, fell asleep around 3:15 and awoke at 3:35 to Gunnar gripping his finger and calling to his Dad in the shower for a Band Aid. I woke up startled and asked what happened...

I saw a lot of blood. A little boy holding his index finger as tightly as he could. A worried face.

Ggers what happened?

I don't know?

Upon closer inspection there was teeth marks around the area and no skin/flesh to his finger nail. So again I asked about what happened.

I don't know.

Did someone bite you?

No.

Did you get it caught in something?

No.

Do you remember what you were doing  when it happened?

Yes.

What was that?

I don't know.

Come on let's call the doctor.
So after calling and explaining and looking, they decided that really is not much that can or could be done. We just need to make sure that it stays clean and if it looks infected...take him in right away.

So...Ggers ready to tell me what happened?

I don't know.

Sweetie you know what happened...I think the worst thing that could happen...has kind of already happened...to your finger, I just want to know.

I bit it.

Why?

Because I was hungry.

So you wanted to know how your finger tasted?

No!

I don't understand...you were hungry so you bit your finger?

No.

?

I was hungry and thinking and it just happened.

You know what? What happened not really that important...what is is that we just keep our fingers away from our mouth in the future. Deal?

I don't know.

I give up.

I think that he is going to be fine...he's a tough boy, I kinda just hope that he doesn't try to bite a little more off the next time...accidentally or on purpose.

Is it sad that it reminds me a bit of the Shel Silverstein poem about the monster that lives in your nose?

Warning

  by Shel Silverstein

Inside everybody's nose
There lives a sharp-toothed snail.
So if you stick your finger in,
He may bite off your nail.
Stick it farther up inside,
And he may bite your ring off.
Stick it all the way, and he
May bite the whole darn thing off.

2 ways to put it together

There are 2 ways one can put things together. 

     1 Assemble an item

     2 Make a correlation of assumed fact

Both of these things happened in my house yesterday, both were awesome. For those who don't know yesterday was Brenna's 8th Birthday (see 8). Hold the applause, thank you. And we all got out alive. Thank you!

Brenna received many wonderful gifts for her birthday. She received 2 beautifully frilly dresses, a giant Barbie head (that allows you to experiment with coloring hair every color of the rainbow), and a Barbie Malibu doll house.

Most of these gifts came pre-assembled, but the doll house did not. Their Poppie came over and assigned the 4, yes 4, of them all different jobs in regards to assembling the pieces. No stayed on task for very long, and I swear to goodness, have you ever seen one of those shows where someone is quickly throwing something together and their arms and hands are all going in fast motion and things are being thrown...that was my house.  In the end, we learned that they have their own language, Gunnar grasps the way to utilize some of mommy's favorite sayings at inappropriate times, Odin is a good seeker, Jaxom can put things together with brute force (and since he doesn't have a lot, being that he is a giant bean pole, that is perfect for constructing plastic homes), and Brenna can read those funky assembly directions like a champ.

As the gift giving continued, Mommy (me!) received a new purse and wallet (with an Owl on it...WIN). Jaxom asked why I got a gift on Brenna's birthday, and I replied that it is the same reason every time he asks. He said oh I forgot the reason though. I again replied, "It's a thank you for pushing me out of your vagina present." Now Gunnar was listening and put together in his mind something astounding, "does that mean that Daddy pushed us out of his penis?!" "No baby, but Mommy wishes he did."

8

It's been 8 ___ years with Brenna. My one and only girl, who couldn't be anymore girl if she tried, which is amazing since she is surrounded by boys at almost every angle.

Brenna has an amazing sense of style. It is unique for sure. On a recent play date, one the her "girlie friend's" moms said I always wondered why so and so started dressing like that, your Bean marches to a different beat. I could have and should have taken that as an insult, but it's true. Her sense of fashion is going to land her on a runway one day for all to see.

I won't forget how amazed you looked last night when we cut into your chocolate, chocolate cake and saw the gooey pink mess of frosted cherry inside. Your face lit up like a runway billboard. Always enjoy the little things.

We told you that you would be getting  a bike yesterday, but we couldn't find the one you liked in your size. You were such a big girl, you did not whine, and you accepted the next gift with grace...even though it wasn't a bike. We will keep looking.

I can't wait to watch you finish growing up...here's to another good 10 years under my roof!

Skinny Mini

I have a skinny mini for a son. He is going to be ten in a little over 2 weeks, and he has yet to break 60 pounds. We celebrated like crazy when he passed the 50 lb mark a couple of months ago.

No my son is not malnourished...in fact it's quite the opposite. His father was a skinny bean pole, I was a string bean...so naturally he was going to be one...I just didn't expect this skinny. The doctors say that he spends all his calories on his height...the boy is almost as tall as I am, towers over his peers, but we knew we were going to get a bean pole.

The kid won't eat junk either. He is the only kid I know that wants a salad at McDonald's, doesn't want a cake on his birthday, asks for veggie trays at family functions.

We went shopping today. Do you know how difficult it is to find a pair of pants for the kid? He wears a size 10 (and that is pushing it in length...but just trying to get him to warmer weather). They are fine for length, but he can fit both legs in a single pant leg. Never mind the fact that he is going through a darker is better fashion crisis right now, thus narrowing the "acceptable" field down even further.  We finally settled after scouring the rack for 90 mins on 2 pairs of Wrangler's with an adjustable waist band.

I think that the trip would have been easier without a younger sibling in tow...but beggars choosers right?

So 2 pairs of jeans for $21.14 the true question is will they survive the bus stop on Tuesday?

3 days in

We are officially 3 days into the new chore chart. Here are the results:

Jaxom cannot watch TV or go outside...he decided that literally sweeping everything under the rug was worth this.

Gunnar has been sent to have corner time, however, it seems to have done the trick.

Brenna has executed flawlessly everyday.

I have only touched Justin and my laundry...everyone else's has magically left the kitchen as appropriate.

This new chore chart has afforded me extra time to fold Valentine cards, nap, and surf the web...I don't know what to do with myself...we went shopping today and had time to go to 4 stores and pick out a while new living room set and bedroom set for the boys...And even worse, I don't know how long it will last.

I now know FOR CERTAIN that I could not make a living folding letters...

We, and by we I mean Mommy voted to, decided that we would print our own valentine's this year. If we bought them at the store it would have cost upwards of $83!!! So I decided to scour the Interwebs for free templates and purchase a ream of construction paper.
Brenna came home with a respectable list of names, well I thought it was respectable until I noticed it had 73(!) names on it. When I asked how big her actual class was she said she had 27 people in her homeroom, but when you factored in specials and that they have blocks for classes (much like high school) it was a pretty low number...so she says.
Jaxom's list was 118. I didn't bother asking him how accurate the list was.

I learned a few things about homemade valentines and construction paper.
     Just because it says 8.5x11 does not mean that it will fit in your printer.
     My paper cutter can cut 8 sheets of construction paper at a time.
     My printer can hold 20 pieces of construction paper at a time.
     Store bought valentines are expensive because they are not time consuming.
     Unlike all the other colors in the pack, black paper is randomly placed.
     It is not easy to fold construction paper into quarters...pretty near impossible to get it symmetrical.

I started on these blessed valentines for my darling children at 1:15. It is 6:20 and I am still going. I am taking a break so that I can re-evaluate the system that I have put in place...see if I can shave off a few seconds.

I am also taking a break because I can now be quoted saying:
          If you spent a little less time doing whatever the heck you wanted, and just a few more seconds doing what you were freakin' asked, then maybe, just maybe you would be in a time out so often.

And now that I have been beaned in the center of the back of my neck with a Nerf Dart...I feel strongly that it is time that I conclude this episode of ripples.

Being compared to a Nazi Death Camp

Tonight, I had a fight with my husband about housework...it's the same fight that we have every Thursday and Sunday...I feel I do too much, he feels he does enough, the one thing that we agree on is that the kids get away with a lot in the area of their chores. So like any good Mom of multiple children, and woman that grew up surrounded my law, I wrote down a chore chart with clearly defined expectations and consequences.
I then like any good 20 something (cause I still am, barely) I posted it to my Facebook Page. I was interested to see come of the comments that came up.
And like any other photo I have posted there were comments of each extreme, but one took me aback.
I listed a consequence of the possibility of loosing dinner for the night. I was jumbled with 8 other consequences that would be of the choosing of their father and I. There was no if this happens then this will happen...just a list ranging from a letter to Santa to no visiting friends to no dinner.
Look, I get that the person that wrote the comment probably meant no harm or foul, but the comment, and I quote, "NO DINNER what are you a NAZI DEATH CAMP?!" Well it really took me aback.
I often think that as a society we have taken a step back from disciplining our kids. We are afraid if we take something away that we will damage their psyche, that if we punish them they will hate us. Growing up is tough, it's about learning right from wrong. I think that Sinbad (yes Sinbad...for those of you youngsters reading this...it's a refernece to the 1990's) put it best we have become a society of "Time Outer's". We give a child a "Time Out" for everything...you broke Mommy's vase, time out; you hit Jimmy from down the street, time out; you set the neighbor's house on fire, time out. What does a time out really do? When I was young I had dinner taken away, my bike taken away, grounded...no phone, no internet, no tv, just homework and sleep. Why is that so horrible? I like to think that it helped shape me into not becoming a psychopathic serial killer.
So yeah, I threatened my kid with no dinner, but you know what? Tonight was the first time since we moved here that I didn't have to harp on him to take his dishes from the table to the sink, put his laundry in the hamper instead of balling it up at the top of the stairs. Did he loose dinner? NO. But in his mind he thought about it and how much it might suck to loose dinner. And he made a choice...actually they all made a choice...to do what was expected of them.
To me it's no different than threatening an adult with the electric chair or lethal injection. Does anyone want to think about it? No. But I bet the thought of it actually deters a lot of murder in our society.
Parenting is not about just putting a roof over your child's head, food in their belly, and lavishing them with toys. It's about loving them enough to teach them how to decide between right and wrong, teaching them that every action has a consequence good or bad.
I love my children enough to teach them that if they do something bad, or decide to take short cuts, as they have been doing...that it's going to take/lead them to something that isn't so pleasant. I am sorry if my consequences offend some, or seem extreme to some...but they are creative and they drive the point home.

Wanna be my friend?

Jaxom gets bullied in school, he takes it in stride...even says that it's fun sometimes. When I asked him why he thought it was fun sometimes he said because he gets to put his witty comebacks into practice.

The winner in my eyes is :
     "AW! You keep talking to me...wanna be my friend? No, it's cool I really don't like you either."

He busted out this one last week :
     "I'm Rubber and you're Glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you."

Some are simple :
     "You're mom."

Some are flops  :
     "Yeah, well....so?"

Some are mean...I Don't appreciate those :
     "Do you sleep in urine? Cause you smell."

All in all I am glad that my son sticks up for himself in a non-violent way. Do I wish that he never gets bullied in the first place? Absolutely, yes. However, he does and I like seeing him cope in a healthy way. It really doesn't seem to bother him anymore...he has made it into a game.

Does that mean that the school isn't going to hear about it? Absolutely NO. This Momma has a set of lungs that she loves to unleash on the world sometimes...The only question is...who's going to answer the bully line today?

A Special Thank you from THE SCHOOL

2 Interesting "things" happened at Jaxom's 4th grade concert tonight.

As the concert was concluding, the principal marched up on stage after the kids played some Bob Marley songs on. their. recorders. She presented a speech about how the remainder of the year they will be testing to see which band instrument best fits their personality for next year. And. Then......she thanked us for our abundance of patience as we listened to hours of practicing on the recorder. I didn't think that they would be considerate...or understood how practicing a recorder is equivalent to the sound of nails grating down a chalkboard. I do feel that this year was only a warm up for next year.

After the concert concluded, they dismissed the students by class. Jaxom was escorted out by his reading teacher. She had that quirky "now I've got you" smile on her face. She asked Jaxom, "Should I tell her or are you?"
My heart sank and all my hopes and dreams...well they faded.
He said, "You can tell her."
He looked like he was hiding a smile.
She pulled out a piece of paper, and again, my heart sank.
She said, "Jaxom wrote this."
I said, "Lies...I can read it."
She said, "It took him an hour, but I just can't take his cruddy handwriting anymore...it had gotten so bad he couldn't read it either."
I looked at Jaxom, "Now that is what we both expect from now on."
He looked pitiful as he realized that he had just tripped over a double edged sword...we were proud, but he revealed that he could do it...now he has to work harder to replicate it.

3rd surprise...Gunnar did not have a melt down during the concert, but he did announce to everyone on the stage left by sound and smell that he had farted.

Oh Blog...I didn't forget about you

Now that January is over I promise to spend time writing more...but still a little less than what I spend with my family.

This morning at approximately tooooooo early to even check the clock because the birds aren't even chirping yet, Gunnar wet the bed. He went downstairs to change his pants....and he noticed something strange. His Dad wasn't there. He started crying and frantically looking about...nope no Dad.
By now I am up and coming down the stairs...Daddy was no where to be found...so I did what any woman of the 2010's would do and went upstairs to get my cell. I dialed his number...and the phone rang downstairs because it was on the desk.
I'm not going to lie, a bit of panic set in. January has not been easy...I've been b!tchy, early to leave, late to come home...not a cup of tea... I thought that my husband had had enough and left in the middle of the night...seriously the thought crossed my mind.
Then the door opened and it turns out he was just taking the trash around before he went to bed for the morning (because by now I have looked at the clock 18,000 times and it is precisely 4:36 AM).

If you are reading this honey, I love you and I am taking Saturday off...