Tonight, I had a fight with my husband about housework...it's the same fight that we have every Thursday and Sunday...I feel I do too much, he feels he does enough, the one thing that we agree on is that the kids get away with a lot in the area of their chores. So like any good Mom of multiple children, and woman that grew up surrounded my law, I wrote down a chore chart with clearly defined expectations and consequences.
I then like any good 20 something (cause I still am, barely) I posted it to my Facebook Page. I was interested to see come of the comments that came up.
And like any other photo I have posted there were comments of each extreme, but one took me aback.
I listed a consequence of the possibility of loosing dinner for the night. I was jumbled with 8 other consequences that would be of the choosing of their father and I. There was no if this happens then this will happen...just a list ranging from a letter to Santa to no visiting friends to no dinner.
Look, I get that the person that wrote the comment probably meant no harm or foul, but the comment, and I quote, "NO DINNER what are you a NAZI DEATH CAMP?!" Well it really took me aback.
I often think that as a society we have taken a step back from disciplining our kids. We are afraid if we take something away that we will damage their psyche, that if we punish them they will hate us. Growing up is tough, it's about learning right from wrong. I think that Sinbad (yes Sinbad...for those of you youngsters reading this...it's a refernece to the 1990's) put it best we have become a society of "Time Outer's". We give a child a "Time Out" for everything...you broke Mommy's vase, time out; you hit Jimmy from down the street, time out; you set the neighbor's house on fire, time out. What does a time out really do? When I was young I had dinner taken away, my bike taken away, grounded...no phone, no internet, no tv, just homework and sleep. Why is that so horrible? I like to think that it helped shape me into not becoming a psychopathic serial killer.
So yeah, I threatened my kid with no dinner, but you know what? Tonight was the first time since we moved here that I didn't have to harp on him to take his dishes from the table to the sink, put his laundry in the hamper instead of balling it up at the top of the stairs. Did he loose dinner? NO. But in his mind he thought about it and how much it might suck to loose dinner. And he made a choice...actually they all made a choice...to do what was expected of them.
To me it's no different than threatening an adult with the electric chair or lethal injection. Does anyone want to think about it? No. But I bet the thought of it actually deters a lot of murder in our society.
Parenting is not about just putting a roof over your child's head, food in their belly, and lavishing them with toys. It's about loving them enough to teach them how to decide between right and wrong, teaching them that every action has a consequence good or bad.
I love my children enough to teach them that if they do something bad, or decide to take short cuts, as they have been doing...that it's going to take/lead them to something that isn't so pleasant. I am sorry if my consequences offend some, or seem extreme to some...but they are creative and they drive the point home.
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