I can...nope don't want to do this

Every time I start a new vacation...I think to myself...why don't I just stay home, why can't it be Justin's turn to go back to work full time. I could totally do this all the time. I love my kids, I want a clean house, I could do a little something on the side to help make ends meet...how hard could it be? It's so hard that I am considering going to work early tomorrow.
  It starts off blissful... You have this whole routine planned out...we're going to go to the park everyday...that'll wear them out. We're going to clean up their rooms, and then I'll teach them to be organized and stuff. We'll practice our handwriting. And you know what...they will behave.
Then...
  The trip to the park launches into a fight...and someone will have to pee. Then you'll need to haul all 4 kids back (if you're lucky enough to get your "I'm 10, I have a phone, so I am too cool to be caught at the park" kid to tag along with you)...of which at least 2 will not be ready to go...to there will be running from a need to pee and screaming for a will to stay...and there will be yelling and almost tears from you.
  You'll spend the whole day cleaning and organizing their room...they'll recite the new rules of barbies go here...and transformers should stay in one piece...and we'll keep our toys off the floor so you don't trip on them...I love you, Mommy...but you will have to turn your back eventually for 15 seconds...and when you turn back...it will look like you never went in there. Every single belonging that they could muster up the will and strength to lift will have moved, been taken apart, thrown on the floor, or a combination of the before mentioned.
  Oh and that handwriting...well that handwriting...that's a fruitless effort. What with the you can just type that and it'll spell check it generation. Not even worth getting into that here.

  So you will lower your expectations...
   You lighten the load...Whoever gets up before the alarm goes off will get to go to the park. Whoever hides their toys from Mommy the best will help her maintain her Schmidt. Whoever can remember how to write his or her name without the use of a guide, computer or spell checker on their phone...well they won't have to do it again until school starts!
  This goes a bit better because...
   No one gets to go to the park since no one gets up before 10 am. So you save yourself the trouble of renting a port a john to take with you and the argument with your "I'm 10, I have a phone, so I am too cool to be caught at the park" kid.
   You won't loose your cool because all their toys now fit under their bed...only a few pieces hang out into your sight...but let's be honest...you don't have the energy to fight so you will just pretend that you don't know what's going on.
   Your older 2 have retained the ability to spell their names...but the 3rd one...well he apparently no longer has vowels, his name is now "GNNNNNNR." Which I guess in a way may be all he has heard you call him that past few days through gritted teeth. So we will also call that one a win.
 See how much smoother things are going now? You have given up your standards...so there are no bars to be set, so expectations to be achieved...and without expectations...there is no disappointment.

 But then...
   You'll have a few days left at home and you will look back at what you achieved while at home with the barbarians...nothing. You won't want to remember those lofty expectations that you had set at the beginning of your vacation, but they will creep back up into your rear-view mirror. The only thing that you will have left to rest your laurels on will be that...everyone survived. On the last day, when you are trying to pack lunch for the kids the next day, you will reach into a drawer fully expecting to find a can opener to open the chicken for the chicken salad sandwiches tomorrow...and you will come out empty handed. You will look around the kitchen and you will think to yourself...look at that...Brenna emptied the dishwasher all by herself, could use some work on putting them away, but hey they aren't in the dishwasher any longer. Jaxom cleaned the floors...wow, he could use a little reminding that the rag does not belong on top of the dishes that Brenna took out of the dishwasher, but hey...he mopped up the mess on the floor. Wow...only a few bumps and bruises today...and no trips to the ER! WAHOO! Then you will call your husband, and through your tears you will explain that despite your children's best efforts they were unable to locate the can opener in the TV or on the ceiling, so exhausted from all the effort they went to bed. You will also explain that all the dishes that Brenna took from the dishwasher, that are now in the sink did not contain the can opener either. Then you will apologize for calling his end of the deal easy. He will respond with a leave me a note for when I get home so that I can finish making their lunches...and try to get some rest. Things will go back to normal in no time.